as we promised a couple weeks ago, we’d like to post every few days one of the questions we didn’t have time for during our panel discussion on Aug 28th with married folks from within our community.
WIthout further ado, question 1: “what is the ONE piece of advice you have for singles wanting to get married?”
Recognize that whether you are single or married, you are called to use your time and energy to become a better image-bearer of God in all spheres of life. Don’t make the mistake that so many in our evangelical culture do of thinking happiness begins at marriage. (But conversely, don’t think it’s the end of happiness either!) You will still be much the same person single or married, you just add another person in the mix 24/7. Use the time you have as a single person (and later as a married person) to cultivate your soul in all that entails so that you can truly be who God intended you to be.
I realize that may seem like a bit of an overly broad, generic answer…so maybe I’ll add a second more specific piece of advice for singles. In your zeal to be married, don’t make the mistakes of the two extremes: 1) settling for a relationship that is unhealthy or that lacks vision for accomplishing something greater together than what you could do alone or 2) being too critical of the boyfriend/girlfrien and missing out on a great relationship. We all have flaws, and God has called us to graciously love one another in Christ, spurring each other on towards greater holiness but accepting one another in our weaknesses as well.
I love the attitude my husband Jon had when we were dating. He told me, “I have no idea where this is going to lead, but whatever happens, I want us both to feel good about it at the end of the day. I want us to look out for one another, respect each other, and challenge each other to become better people. If we ever do break up, I want you to be confident that you were able to have a healthy relationship without compromising yourself or your convictions in any way.” If only all dating relationships could follow through with that approach!