Do you feel like the church has elevated marriage over singleness? Insinuating, if not articulating, that life begins when you
betroth yourself to another?
Or has the meteoric rise of divorce–even within the allegedly marriage-fortifying context of the church–sullied an earlier, more positive, view of marriage? Does the incidence of divorce and the precarious state of marriage insinuate that life might, in a sense, end when you say “I do”?
I’d like to wrap up our discussion of Tripp’s book on change and counsel by having you help us create a realistic-as-possible profile of someone in the church whose desire to be married has caused them to be so preoccupied with finding a mate, that one of two moods has emerged: either so despondent at the slight prospects of a marriage in the near-term, or so reckless in their pursuit of a mate. Specifically, I’d like you to envision how someone with either outlook would manifest that outlook in their day to day living.
Tripp outlines, with a sturdy foundation in 2 Peter 1, four simple principles in the “do” part of change and counseling another toward change. Anything I’ve tried to relate from his book has screamed for some real-world examples of how his principles would apply in a given setting. This week, I’d like to take the hypothetical profile you create and then have you employ what Tripp has to say about helping someone–someone who’s preoccupation with marriage has led them to make choices at cross-purposes with what it means to be a child of God. Those kinds of choices incongruent with our identity, I think you will agree, are often so subtle we don’t even notice.
This won’t be some veiled criticism against those who desire to be married. Nor will it be subtle devaluation of marriage. It will be a valiant, perhaps even quixotic, attempt to teach us how to counsel someone with a relevant struggle with an appeal to our identity, our responsibility (and its limits), and loving accountability.
And if you have some reading time available prior to Sunday, you might download this very interesting essay on a biblical theology of singleness and marriage composed by Barry Danylak, a Ph.D candidate at Cambridge University. It’s provoked a number of responses and reviews. Here’s one, and here’s another.
The only red flag I see is that it kind of seems like you are saying
(and I haven’t read the articles yet, so bear with me) that people
should not make decisions that would best prepare them for marraige.
For example: I want to be married someday (hopefully sooner rather
than later, let’s be honest), and so as I make decisions regarding
finances, career, education, how I spend my time, etc… that does need to be
considered. I cannot put my life on hold for it, but it doesn’t hurt
to have that in your head as you make these major life decisions. Let
me further elaborate. I’ve always wanted to go to law school – now I’m
at a point where if I went to law school, that would most likely put
me in a career path (at least for a little while) where I might struggle
to find time to seriously date someone or get married and have kids
sometime in the next 5-10 years. Shouldn’t I consider that? I think
that I should, but it shouldn’t be the only factor in my decision making.
Okay – I’ve rambled. What do you think?
Amy